As I sit here watching my middle daughter at her first "boy" birthday party, I am seeing more and more of myself in her. She is very girly in the fact that she wears dresses and high heels to school, wants to wear makeup at home (which I hardly let happen), and wants her hair fixed all the time. I, on the other hand, was a complete tom boy. I would wear my athletic clothes 24/7 if I could, and I would even wear my dad's polo shirts to school.
Ella is like me, that she has no problem hanging out with the boys. I had several boys as friends as I was growing up, and when I was younger I was much more drawn to them. They were easier to get a long with, they liked to play sports and hide and seek, and I think I loved being one of the few girls.
Ella is the only girl at the party tonight and she is still having a blast, but being a indoor swim party, I knew she would.
I am worried for her though, because I do see myself in her. I was obsessed with boys growing up. OBSESSED, I tell you. I thought they were cute, I flirted, and I wanted them to notice me. I see all of this in her already. I was very into sports once high school and middle school came around, but I still thought about boys non stop.
I had my first boyfriend in 4th or 5th grade and by the time middle school came around, I was never "single." In high school, I would even date more than one at a time (from different towns).
I don't know why I acted this way. I needed a boy to make me happy. I needed to know I was wanted. I got plenty of attention from my dad, if that's what you are thinking. I have always felt I needed a man to make me happy.
I hope I can teach my daughter(s) different. I hope that I can teach them that your happiness does not need to come from a boy. You decide your happiness.
Even now after being married almost 9 years, I have a hard time making myself happy. I struggle with being happy and doing things that are going to make me happy. My husband and children make me happy (most of the time), but I have a hard time keeping myself happy.
I just want my daughters to grow up knowing what makes them happy, and being able to do it themselves.
*You probably just learned WAY more about me than you wanted to know.*